ABC News Kills Story About How ABC News Killed Story [Satire]

Since James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas revealed a video showing that ABC News killed the Jeffrey Epstein story three years ago, ABC News has issued a statement in its own defense. The statement was released by an ABC executive wearing a raincoat and nothing else and was delivered to several female members of the press when he opened the raincoat to reveal that he was holding the statement in his hand and didn’t need to open the raincoat but just thought the ladies would get a kick out of seeing the very special thing he was hiding inside.
The statement reads, “We at ABC News are committed to the highest level of journalism we can achieve without exposing Democrats who rape little girls. In this case, any serious student of journalism will understand that this story came to us while Hillary Clinton was running for president, and it was far more important that we protect Bill Clinton from being accused of statutory rape, than that we protect young women from being enslaved and abused by a predator linked to every powerful man on earth, including the royal family — speaking of which, Duchess Kate Middleton is sporting an all new collegiate look this winter and we’ll be leading with that story instead of this one because, after all, we’re ABC News.
“And while it’s true we may have covered up for a monster, leaving his victims to suffer at his hands, while the rich and powerful used them at will for their own pleasure, it’s not like we didn’t report on other incidents of sexual predation, like that time we reported how Brett Kavanaugh left a trail of murdered women wherever he spread his reign of terror according to anonymous sources who had even more anonymous sources living inside their heads who also told them about the Martian invasion, which we’ll be reporting on instead of this because, after all, we’re ABC News.

“The important thing is that eventually the guilty were punished because, after all, Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.”
ABC News Kills Story About How ABC News Killed Story [Satire] ABC News Kills Story About How ABC News Killed Story [Satire] Reviewed by Your Destination on November 07, 2019 Rating: 5

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